Too much.

It’s becoming too much. As I continue to sink, I should be getting happier, with you by my side.

But instead, I’m drifting further. I finally know why… when I’m with you, I’m unsure what of to do, unsure of what I should think.

I’m unsure because you should be the one who’s able to take my hand and pull me out of the pit that I’ve been in for years.

But instead, I’m drifting further. I feel myself bringing you down with me. I’m back to my old habits.

Making people I start to care for, dislike me for the actions I make. I didn’t want to do this to you, I wanted us to be different than my norm.

But instead, I’m drifting further. As each passing day goes by, my light grows dimmer. When I’m around you, it starts to flicker.. maybe it’ll turn back on for good..

And then you leave my side and it goes back to being dim and hardly lit. It’s getting worse.

I haven’t written about you before now because I’m afraid to, honestly. Every person I’ve written about, leaves. I didn’t want you to.

I started to have feelings for you way too soon, and now I’m hiding them from you. Again, drifting further.

It’s not your fault, I’ve been this way for a while, I shouldn’t have brought you into this… I shouldn’t have told you I was ready.

Even tho I wanted to be so badly. You do make me feel better when I’m around you, but I know I’m not who you need in life. You need someone who matches your energy. Someone who’s actually happy in life..

not someone who thinks of suicide every day and night.

I’m sorry.