Blue sky

The whirlwind of emotions hurling back. It’s getting harder to breathe. Am I doing this right? Am I good enough?

The pit in my stomach telling me that you’re growing tired of me. Just like all the others before you. What am I doing wrong.. am I just expecting too much?

What is too much.. to want to be happy? To no longer feel this feeling. To no longer feel left in the dark..?

Or maybe it’s because I just live in the dark that I feel this way. I just can’t get out. Each time I do, I dig a bigger hole for myself.

I’m trapped. Nothing is ever good enough. Who knows how long this’ll last. This feeling.

I keep trying to look up, that’s what you’ve always told me to do because I always look down. But why is it whenever I look up, all I see is you.

I still see you in my dreams, whether it’s good or bad. It’s you that i still think of when I wake up at 3 in the morning.

It’s you that I keep wanting to see when I roll over in bed. But you’re not there. You haven’t been for a long time.

I can’t keep lying and saying that I don’t want to see you anymore, whether it’s in real life or in my mind, because I do.

After all the heat subsides from the anger that still resides for you, I’m left calm. I’m left hurt. I’m left confused.

I’m left in tears. No matter what i change, who I meet or what events occur in my life, it’s all the same.

I’m still here with everything you left behind when you made your choice.

I miss you but I can’t anymore. It keeps tearing me apart and I can’t explain to my friends why I just cry randomly.

I can’t tell them why I’m still hung onto you, why each time I look up, a tear sheds and I fall to the floor.

I’ve never hurt this much over someone before and it’s killing me.

I find myself going to the places we used to just park and listen to music together and just talk.

Its a year later and I’m still listening to those songs, expect now they have a different meaning behind them and i torture myself with them.

I torture myself for reminding myself of you, everyday.

And it never stops no matter how hard I try